A Christian Woman Thinks (And It's Dangerous)

Secret Identity

Some days we all struggle. I wrote the following essay, or thoughts, a few months back when I had a day similar to today. I think I get feeling really low especially when I am really tired, and it seems like everything goes haywire when you're tired, doesn't it? I do offer a suggestion to deal with this at the end, but if any of you ladies out there have any other ideas, feel free to leave comments!

Devotion #24 (randomly assigned) for the book "A Christian Woman Thinks" (And It’s Dangerous)

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In a former life I was a newspaper reporter and editor. Strictly small town, of course, but it counts. My claim to fame is I interviewed Big Bird (aka Mr. Carol Spinney) around the time Sesame Street celebrated its 25 anniversary. I was able to do so because he lived in a quaint town in my newpaper’s corner of the world - and he picked up the phone when I called his house.

I also had some dark room equipment and could develop and print black and white film. Which means I was somewhat of a photography buff, too. I have no claim to fame in this area, except I bailed out the newspaper photographer(s) more than once when deadline approached and the film was not developed.

In THIS life I am the one who cleans the rabbit hutch, makes sure hubby has clean underwear, and tries to teach my seven-year-old daughter not to talk about butts all the time.

This isn’t what I signed up for. How about you? I feel like some superhero in retirement, hiding a dazzling past (or so it seems to have been dazzling, now that it’s far gone) and struggling to keep up with normalcy.

My claim to fame these days is finding a Polish stoneware plate at my local TJ Maxx to add to my collection.

Can you tell I am a stone’s throw from 40? Can I blame age for this melancholy longing for my 20s?

It’s times like these I ask God what it’s all about. I tell Him I don’t think I matter much in the great scheme of things, and you know, that’s partly true. That’s why it’s so incredible that He would care about me in the first place.

My prayer when I feel like this goes something like this: "Is this what I’m created for, God? Is this Your best for me? Do I matter? Do you see me?"

Not very nice words, are they? Have you ever felt like this, dear friend? Do you have a secret past, and a new identity you’d rather hide from some days?

Let’s get through it together. Please come for tea and chat. Let’s feel like we matter for a little while and support one another.

Do you have a friend who you think feels like this? Go call her right now.

While you’re at it, check on Mr. Spinney (aka Big Bird). He’s still in the phone book.

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Mr. Spinney

{ 11:04, Monday, July 10, 2006 } { Posted by teapots66 }

Sorry, folks, I should explain that Mr. Spinney is Big Bird - maybe you didn't know his name.