A Christian Woman Thinks (And It's Dangerous)

Big Dreams

Hi, folks... I wanted to share some of the thoughts I've been jotting down for a while now. Sometimes I write these little essays, and thought about putting them together in a little book, but maybe I can share some here.

This is one of my first essays. I shared it with Donna A. and Jo-Anne O.... and now with you, my friends. I call it:

Big Dreams

Essay #22 (randomly assigned), of the book of essays A Christian Woman Thinks (And It's Dangerous)

When my oldest daughter was almost 7, she saw the Nutcracker and decided she wanted to be a ballerina.

Visions of the future danced in my head. I could see my daughter looking graceful and elegant on stage, a halo of light around her tiara and a billowy ring of tulle around her waist. Of course, she would moonlight as a missionary. God could certainly use a ballerina to proclaim the Gospel.

I signed her up for lessons. She enjoyed them, and did well. I began bartering my time, cleaning the studio in exchange for dollars off the tuition. Tuition was expensive, and I didn’t like cleaning every week, but as I mopped I thought with pleasure of the road ahead, and vowed to myself to clean as long as it took to get her on pointe and then on to the big stage.

She moved up to the pre-professional program her second year, and began learning the Vaganova style of ballet (I’m still not sure what this means). She learned french words for the strange twists and stretches she could do. She looked ahead to being 10 years old and trying on those pointe shoes. Her teacher said she was strong, had the build of a dancer, and could dance if she wanted to. The future was confirmed.

Just before she turned 9, we got into the van to head down to class and a voice from the back seat said: "I DON’T WANT TO GO." This was no small voice, as my older daughter does not possess such a thing. And so there was no mistaking what I had heard.

My heart ached. Hers did not. It simply moved on. She asked if she could take karate. We gave her a week to be sure she didn’t want to go back to ballet. Her teacher said it was wise not to push her into dancing if she did not want to. A week later she still did not want to dance, and then she asked if she could take gymnastics.

She was ready to move on. My dreams were not. I began to understand why my mother still nags me about things she believes I am born to do (In my head I can hear her: You’re a writer, why aren’t you writing?).

But suddenly I can see her side of things. She is my mother. She sees my name in print and is happy. She still has those mother dreams, dreams she knows I am capable of fulfilling.

God has dreams and plans for us, too. He tells us in the book of Jeremiah (this is my best paraphrase): for I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a future and a hope, plans to prosper you. He has God dreams for us.

I wonder how He feels when we call out from the back seat, "I DON’T WANT TO GO." Does His heart ache? Does He change His God dreams for us?

Somehow I don’t think so. I think His plans and dreams go beyond something like whether we write or wear pointe shoes. Sure, these things can be part of the dream, but I think there is a BIG GOD DREAM, and the shoes we wear or books we write are just a small segment of this BIG GOD DREAM.

It probably takes a lifetime to find out whether you’ve fulfilled the BIG GOD DREAM. Or maybe we don’t find out until we reach the throne of grace. The wonder of it all is that He would have a BIG GOD DREAM for each and every one of us.

So what is next for my daughter? Why did God give her such powerful legs? Why did He give her endless energy? Why did He give her big feet to balance like that?

I will have to wait to find out. I know there is a purpose for this child, and I can’t wait to see it. Really. I can’t. Wait, that is. I don’t like to wait. But I have no choice. God has His timing. And my daughter has hers.

So for now I will content myself to jot down these thoughts, and rest secure in the knowledge that, at the very least, I am right now fulfilling one of my mother’s dreams for me by writing this all down.

P.S. As of this date, my older daughter, Joy, is now 10 years old and a purple belt in karate. She has big dreams of earning a black belt.

Joann and joy

{ 12:43, Monday, June 26, 2006 } { Posted by kenyachick }

I was hoping Joy would be an olympic runner!!! I didn\'t know you decided to sell, that\'s great. Joanne had surgery, maybe she can use that time to set up a blog herself!! Does Connie have one? i posted an entry on mine tonight. It is hard to write because i know strangers are reading it so I\'m not sure who my audience is.... if I have one...... Love you Ellen