Feeling Reflective

Posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 at 02:24

I used to write alot of poetry in highschool. I am not sure really why I stopped. I suppose that life just got in the way... being a single mom, eventually meeting and marrying Bughead, having Boo and finding Squishy. So many years that flew by so quickly I feel as if they barely happened. Do you ever feel that way? One day you are thinking that you will remember that day forever and the next time you look up its 10 years later?

I want to get back to my creative side... the girls are old enough now that I can focus more on me when the need arises. I want to write articles and poetry. I want to learn how to make my own paper and re-learn calligraphy. I want to learn how to paint with water colours and how to plant a garden. I want to learn how to can my own fruit. There are so many things that I have put of doing until tomorrow and then realized that tomorrow has come and gone and I didn't get the chance to experience it. I don't want to walk through my life wearing a blindfold, going through the motions of existing without living. How many years will I lament that I never did learn how to sew or didn't embrace my inner self by writing poetry? Will I one day stop short and look back on my life and find regrets, or will I grow old and view my life as a collage of blessings? I have always wanted to be, in some form or another a writer. I dream of learning to paint and draw. I see myself as an ecclectic artistic individual but yet I find little in my current life that expresses those feelings. Today is the day to change.

I want to have more babies, to travel, to write a book. I want to decorate our home and take a belly dancing class with my best friend. I want a marriage filled with happiness interspersed with sadness because I am firmly based in the reality that nothing is perfect. I want to raise my daughters and see them move on to marry fine young men and have their own babies. I want to see them live their dreams and embrace their lives in a way that only they can.

Oh, to find myself content with my life because I know that it isn't just rushing past me while I stand on the sidelines. To embrace each moment for what it is: sadness, frustration, pain and realize that this is just one of the days that I have to live... that I chose to live before coming to this earth and remember, with confidence that "this too shall pass" when things are hard. To cherish those minutes, hours, days of happiness and write them down to reflect back on.

To take a moment to dry tears, give a hug, make a snack, read a story, have a tickle and a giggle without thinking about the million other things I should be doing... because at that moment there IS nothing else I should be doing. Place my family first in all things because they are my future and my now. My wordly and my eternity.

Remember to let your babies dress themselves in purple long sleeves with a pink dress thats way too short, a plaid skirt and a pair of jeans... all at the same time. Spend a day lying in bed, snuggly in  pajama's on a winters day and read stories and watch Disney movies while eating popcorn because who cares if there are crumbs in the bed? After all, there were smiles and giggles, and cuddles in there too. Take a moment to look into your sweethearts eyes and remember why you married him... especially on a day when you really wonder what you were thinking.

Lie on the grass in the summer and breath in its scent, gently warmed by the sunshine and transport yourself back in time to when you were 10 and spent the afternoon looking for pictures in the clouds. Hug your mother and know that even though she won't be here forever, her legacy, through yourself and your children will be and she will indeed live on for eternity. Kiss your dad and have a whisker rub because those whiskers still have alot of rub left in them, whether you are 5 or 50.

Live. Laugh. Dream.

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Posted by Andrea on Saturday, September 23, 2006 at 04:31 - Link

I loved reading your thoughts today... and I even got a chuckle out of it too, when you said you wanted to have more babies and take belly dancing classes!! *LOL* An instant picture came in my mind of an 8-month pregnant woman with a grass skirt on, dancing her... well.... belly. *ha-ha*

Thank you for the introspection AND the chuckle today!

Peace~ Andrea

Edited by Andrea on Saturday, September 23, 2006 at 04:32