Posted in Oldies but Goodies
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A Season of Solitude When I finished teaching violin and piano in December, my children were thrown a bit off by no longer seeing some of their friends that used to come for lessons. I was surprised to see some pretty ugly attitudes when they asked for so-and-so to come over and I said, not today. When being asked to play with a younger brother produced the same ugly attitude, I knew something drastic had to be done. :) I informed the children that starting Monday, we would be having "boot camp" (a word coined by a friend of mine, meaning intensive child training - as in children stay within arm's reach all day long while training issues are dealt with.) and that during boot camp there would be no friends over - period. Yes, I can feel it - some of you have the same reaction of shock and dismay that my children did! :) What about socialization? Don't children NEED friends outside the family to grow up normal?? Well, to comfort those with such thoughts, I will make it clear that this was just for a season. However there were no set limits to the season. It would be ended when the fruit was seen and not before. So, we began. And for five weeks, we had no contact with the outside world - well, we ran errands and the like of course, but there was no playing outside with neighborhood friends, no inviting friends to play, no calling friends on the phone. No electronic entertainment (tv, nintendo, computer games etc.) My children were left to play with eachother or be bored. :) This wasn't cruel and unusual punishment as some may think. First of all it wasn't punishment, but training. I believe there is a vital difference. And since when should it be cruel and unusual to show love to your siblings? I know, many siblings do not get along at all. I was informed during this process that it is NORMAL for children to each have their own seperate friends and not to want anything to do with each other - that it'll all wash out in their twenties. I know that it is common for that to be the case, but is that what God wants? What kind of family relationships does God want us to pursue - and is it worth it to pull back and have a "drastic" season of solitude, if that's what it takes? I would have to say, absolutely, it's worth it! At the end of five weeks, I saw my children choosing to play with each other - including even that "pesky" little sibling. I saw all of them boys and girls, 12 yrs old to 2 yrs old, playing together and enjoying themselves. I saw my older ones growing in servant's hearts toward their younger siblings - even a 12 yr old boy agreeing to sit down to a 2year old sister's tea party out of love for her. Yesterday, for the first time in five weeks, we met some friends to go ice skating. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and we all had a ball of course. The neatest thing was to be able to see the fruits of our solitude season. My friend commented on the change in my son who had formerly been quick to pick on people just to get a rise out of them. I believe it was the change in his siblings' attitude toward him and that they were including him more, that changed his need to bug people! Also, while they were skating, I noticed the older ones were being very sensitive to the needs of their younger siblings. (They weren't mean to them before, but sometimes they were so wrapped up in their friends and their fun that they didn't notice if a little sister had fallen down and needed help getting up.) Now they were very attentive! How exciting to see what God has been bringing forth in our family! I expect we may need to re-enter solitude occassionally through out the days and years to come, but I will no longer fear that I am doing something horrible to my children by keeping them to themselves. God is so good! |
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