Sunday, November 23, 2008
What Purpose?
Posted By Cat in Rambling
 Today is my day off before the next week slog of daily mail. I am still not feeling right although the headache has turned to a dull annoyance which is good I suppose. Hubby is gone already, everyone else is sleeping in so it is quiet. I thought of making french toast or something but I go into the kitchen and just get overwhelmed with the mess. I would have to clean it before I could cook. I'd rather just make myself a bowl of oatmeal in the microwave and be done with it. My shoulders were bothering me so I was up early. I have a CD player with headphones so I sat in my chair and listened to a CD entitled "Healing and Holiness". I keep the player and a stack of these types of CDs at the bedside because sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night due to pain or someone snoring and it gives me something to listen to rather than start imagining terrible things or getting angry. I used to just flip the little light on and read but now with my eyesight getting bad it is more like work than it used to be. Sometimes I think life is just so hard. When I was young I remember going fishing with my daddy early one morning and he told me there comes a time when one is just tired of living. I thought for many years that it was a strange thing to say but these days I totally understand what he meant. It isn't that my life is so difficult, it isn't. But I feel I have no purpose, no passion. I have no joy anymore. I am just really tired and defeated. |