Pure Water Hollow Homestead

Musings on being a "frumpy" homeschooler

It has been many years, but I *was* one. So I wanted to try to share my personal angle. I believe there was something going on this weekend in Homesteadblog-dom that had to do with homeschooling, but I have no idea what that was as I wasn't online. A comment I left last week made me think about the past. It's distant enough not to be painful anymore, still fresh enough to be vivid. And it's a part of who I am. So, I'm blogging it, but the timing of this post might be sorta bad, so don't take it personal in light of . . . whatever it was that happened this weekend!

Yes,  I'm pretty confident that if you had known me, you would agree that I was an ugly duckling . . . .

I wasn't so much shy as I recognized at a glace that me and you would have had very, very little in common. I would probably have had an easier time talking to your mom, or your siblings, or even your twin brother, just about anyone besides a girl my own age! But I was probably perceived quite often as shy and backwards.

The few times I opened up to female peers, I was usually stared at, then told "You sound like you were raised like my grandma." AKA, "I can't relate to you." Which is almost teen code for "You're weird."

I could smell pity a mile away. I didn't need or want it from anyone! Let alone for something as superficial as my looks!

I grew up butchering chickens, milking cows, and at 14yo I bought a 2yo, untrained Quarter Horse mare.  I spent two years saving up for half the cost, and two years paying the rest off. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 18yo because I had not interests in the mall or movies (I didn't have the money for the mall after I fed my animals and we rented movies. What was the big deal?) I could drive 4 miles to the town library and that was as far as my interests really went!

The older you get, the more acceptable it is to have an "odd" upbringing. People like to hear about it. They admire your "strength" and that you know how to do these things and wish they had learned. Hahaha! Right. As a teen you were probably grumbling about mowing the lawn instead of watching cartoons, let alone being handed a knife and told to put up fifty fryers. I used to wonder what it would have been like to be born when everyone's grandmas were, so that I could have fit in more. When nobody watched cartoons and hard work was more respected.

At a time when most of the girls I knew could carry on a half hour conversation about nail polish and lip gloss (or so it seemed to me!) and 'cute' guys (I always thought that term insulting to the masucline gender), I was more interested in if a young man was a hard worker and what kind of daddy he would be than how he looked in jeans or if he was a football player or homecoming king. I wanted to be appreciated, but mostly I wanted a husband I could really respect - that was such a high priority for me! It was also very important to me to know if he would hit or throw things when he was very, very angry. I wanted to know how he would react when he had to change a tire in the rain.

Most of the girls I knew would have been so annoyed by brothers 4yo, 8yo, and 10yo younger than they. For me, they were my "clique" and I *wanted* to hang out with them! I was strong, I was inventive, and I was funny - I was the 'perfect girl' to them. My brothers were my peers, and as such I was influenced not to be "too girly".

Yes, I would have looked different, shabby and messy to the standards of highschoolers. And it would smart - but only around peers! At the same time it was deeply ingrained in me that the right man would love me for my heart, not my looks. I used to look into the mirror and pray that someone would take the time to get to know me enough to see past the exterior I didn't know how to frame to be "fashionable". Most of the time, riding my horse on the prairie or hunting with my younger brothers, it just didn't matter what I looked like.

Today, the pictures I have from that era frame some of the happiest, most innocent moments of my life, but I would never, ever ever show them to anyone. Simply because of what I'm wearing in them. Vanity, I know!

The summer before I turned 19yo, I got my first job off the farm and was enrolled at a local, junior college. If I left my peers alone, they left me alone. For the first semester, as I got my footing, that was fine at college. In the shoe department in a retail store, I blossomed. I love to help people! And I got paid to do it!

Besides, at college it was hard to find the kind of guy I had set myself up for. Most didn't seem to be hard-working, epitomes of virtue. It only took a curse word or two to make me lose all interest in a pretty face. And did I mention everyone cursed? Just about?

My Sunday School class gave me more hope. I desperately wanted to fit in there - here were other Christian young people! Perhaps not raised like I was, but fellow followers of Christ. They must have thought I was so weird to take my younger brother to get-togethers and such. The events always sounded like so much fun that I wanted to include one of my best friends!

It was at Sunday School that a young man that I respected asked me to "please repeate that in English". After reading book after book growing up - and I had the vocabulary to prove it. However, after that comment, I spent years rephrasing things in my mind, dumbing it down, forgetting words I decided no one used but me. I picked up slang, and invested in the many ways to entone grunts, sighs, and other non-words.

Working in retail, I finally learned how to dress, how to walk, how to flirt. I went off of comments I recieved and stares. In a way, I had spent most of my life praying for a young man to see past my shabbiness, now I was realizing that I was still going to have to hope for a young man to really get to know me past my attractivness! Instead of fashion dropping the last barrier to my happiness, I found that I was attracting (by the droves) the wrong kind of guy. These seemed to possess even less virtue!

By the time I met Jonathan, I was working my way out the other side of my adventure and searching for balance. I was still dressing mainly to attract attention, but I was longing for something modest and attractive. I still had a very long way to go before I would find again where I was comfortable. I had decided I was different and that I didn't mind that. I was done apologizing for "me".

The only thing I can figure, is that when Jonathan and I met, it was a meeting of our spirits. I think both of us were moving, in tiny steps, towards the same thing. I had gigantic subwoofers in the back of my car, I wore makeup in layers and listened to bands like Demon Hunter. Jonathan was obsessed with sports and at first I thought him ambition-less! There was very little to indicate that this was a man who would appreciate homemade soap or that I would ever make an effort to learn how to cook from scratch.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my own personal story of transformation . . . from ugly duckling into something a bit more attractive! So the next time you see a "poor" homeschooler . . . save your pity. Spare them your judgement based on their looks, and maybe they will do the same!

You never know what you could learn from each other!

~Ashley~

Caramel Apple Butter

A few things about our weekend and my husbands blog.........

We had a busy but beautiful weekend. On Saturday we had to get our eyes checked and I just can't believe how expensive it is and we have insurance. I just don't know what people that don't have insurance do?

We both had to get new glasses and I am going to order contacts. I usually wear my contacts all the time but I am thinking I will have to wear my glasses more I am hoping it will save us a little money on contact maintance.

We stopped at the mall nearby and bought the girls a few shirts for the cooler monthes. No... we adults didn't get anything new we are going to have to either wear what we have or make a goodwill stop:) I just can't believe how high things have gotten. I looked at a very pretty sweater and they wanted $75.00 Yikes! No new sweater for me:)

We did have a nice meal out which is the first for this month:) Our goal is one nice meal out and two fast food meals out which is usually Subway.  By the way or nice meal out costed us $ 50.00 which isn't too bad :) Although add another  $25.00  and I could have had a new sweater.

We had a wonderful day yesterday we went to church then came home for a rest day.  We got few things done around the house and outside. We need to make our garden beds soon:)  I also need to put plastic on our bedroom windows which seems to help some on our electric bill. There are many other odd jobs we would like to get done and if the weather stays nice hopefully they will get done:)

Our garden is really growing great!  We will be getting brocolli soon and we are still getting lettuce Yum!  We also planted onions and garlic for next year. If you don't do this you should try it. It is great having something growing all through the winter monthes and the onions and garlic are wonderful!!  We haven't built the beds yet for the greenhouse. Don't worry we will:)

I almost forgot my husband is now a feature writer on another blog. I know you will enjoy it!  You can learn about it on his blog www.gardendesk.com  I know Marc would love for you to add a comment if you have time.

I hope you have a blessed day,

Ma  (aka Renee)