More thoughts...

Thank you all for wonderful words of encouragement.  So many things run through your mind during times like these.  So many friends have commented on how strong my faith is and what an inspiration I am to them.  I don't feel like one at all.  I think to myself, "if they only knew the battle going on inside".  I know in my heart that my God is so good.  I try to dwell on vVerses such as:

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

There are just those time, though, where my heart ask why.  I think that the pain I feel is not so much from the loss of the baby (I am so comforted knowing my sweet baby is with Jesus).  The pain I feel comes in trusting the Lord, even during a time when it "feels" like He has forsaken me.  I know it doesn't compare, but I wonder if this is a glimpse into the how Christ felt on the cross.  I don't know if I should even make that comparison.  Surely my suffering cannot even begin to compare. 

I am realizing what a great purpose my child has served in it's short life and death.  The loss has sent me to the Word, digging, seaching for answers.  It has caused me to seek to know my God even deeper.  Sometimes I sit and ponder the Scriptures, but my finite mind cannot wrap itself around the infinite Glory of God. 

I believe I have written before that my husband and I have chosen to let the Lord plan our family - as many of you have.  When you are young and make this decision, you sometimes question your sanity in doing so.  I always thought that it would mean having a baby every nine months, and in no time at all I would be living in a shoe!  How gracious God has been in giving me just as many as I could handle, as just the perfect time.  I would admonish the younger women to be thankful for each child the Lord places in your womb, for you do not know the plans of the Lord.  He ultimately opens and closes the womb.  He gives and takes away.  Blessed be Your name!