Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
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Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
I was walking along, minding my
own business, when it happened. Two Autumns ago, during my early
morning driveway walk, I had my two partners: my gun (because of lions,
tigers and bears) and my Walkman. The day in question, I happened to be
listening to a Jonathan Lindvall tape
~ nothing unusual there, I often listen to a tape or music on my walks.
I like to listen to something on the second lap so I can hear something
besides my own loud breathing. It is a golden opportunity to listen to my choice of music at my choice of decibel, which at almost all other times are outvoted by the rest of the family. But I digress. |
Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
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Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
The waters are troubled. A deep, quiet bubbling…churning…boiling…in
the secret places of my heart is the cause of an ache that is yearning
to be soothed. There are questions longing for answers, my spirit’s
burden longing to be lifted. I struggle to hear His voice, to know with certainty that His will is as I believe it to be. Only by grace could I obey this voice, just as it is by grace that I think I am hearing…
Only
one other book, Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss, has ever
affected me even remotely as profoundly. (You mean, it is normal to not be perfect overnight, and that sanctification is a process?) My reading of Henry and the Great Society
left me alternating between weeping violently, worshipping
passionately, but more often a chorus of both. Confirmation to me of
how well my Father knows me and the deepest cries of my heart, I was
relieved, oh, so relieved…so delivered from a burden
that I had been carrying. One that I had been carrying for so long that
my only notice of it was a whispered doubt that, “This is not the way
God meant for me to live”.
Note: An MP3 version of the first few chapters can be heard here.
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Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
During the last 48 hours or
so, as Mr. Visionary and I have had our opportunity to partake of the gastroinstestinal
virus that has been passed through the family, I have had much time to stare at
the ceiling (or the bathroom flooring) and consider. As I laid there mulling
over how advantageous it is to have a bathroom floor in the same shade as one’s
hair, I also spent time thinking through those issues on which the Lord has
recently had His finger in our life. On my personal To-Do List,
pegged for the near future, is to clean out the attic. My goal is to rid our
lives of 80% of the stuff accumulated there, but as of yet, I do not know what
form this will take. Will it be that 80% of the furniture, clothes, and ‘stuff’ is gone equally from
each category, or will it be more general, in that just 80% of the bulk is gone
from the attic in general? As I pondered, I realized that I truly have no idea
what is in many of the boxes. So I pondered some more, trying hard to remember.
What I remembered was
numbing. Several moves ago, we were to spend nine months renting the home of
some friends while the Dad went to a ministry school. Knowing that we were
moving again in nine months, we used one of the bedrooms to store our ‘extra
stuff’. Never in the nine months did we break into the stash, nor did we feel a
need. Our next move was into a tiny-for-us house, without room for our ‘extra
stuff’. The same stored boxes went to my in-laws’ three-car garage to sit while
moth and rust (and mice) did their work until our next move. The miniscule percentage of
those items that I kept remind me of my attic now. How much do we really need
to live? Really. Need. Not to necessarily live as the world does, in our
culture, at this time…but to simply live?
And how much of the ‘extra stuff’ keeps us so busy working to buy, use and
maintain it that we have little time for God or the work He has given us? How sick
and tired of the stuff is sick and tired enough?
I will be working through
this some more, as I am sensing that this is only the beginning ~ the first few
wobbly steps on a journey to a new kind of freedom... “…And ye shall know the
truth, and the truth shall make you free” John |
Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
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Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
He said to do it. He even blessed it. Back before the Fall and before the Law, He told us to do it. His doing it Himself convinced me that it was something I should be doing. Yet I struggle with observing the Sabbath. There is a battle storming between my flesh and spirit… Rationally I am convinced that I need to rest on the Sabbath. I am fully aware of the physiologic benefits of cycling through periods of exertion and rest. It makes us more efficient, and we are healthier when alternating our working and resting. I truly believe God planned this for our best good. For my best good. Then why the struggle? In the midst of the day’s work, I vacillate between sincerely desiring to ‘work heartily as unto the Lord’ and having my body piercingly scream for rest. I need stillness. In the midst of the pressures and stress of daily living my spirit quietly whimpers for a reprieve. I need peace. In the flurry of activity a fleeting, over-the-shoulder glance at my Bible does not suffice. I need intimacy. When the preparation day arrives, I am not ready. I do not want to stop striving toward my own purposes. Although His yoke is easy and His burden is light my To-Do list is never finished and my labor never completed. In my flesh there is no desire to leave off my agenda and prepare for that to which I know He is calling me. He whispers while my list shrieks. On the Sabbath, my list mocks me, taunting me with the alleged ‘wasted time’. I have to remind myself (a thousand times a day if needed) that this is a day blessed and sanctified by Him for me. My Jesus is Lord of this day, and whatever it takes to enter into this small taste of that forever-rest is worth doing. There is no righteousness attached to this day-my Lord took care of my righteousness once and for all at the Cross. But the blessings are infinite…Stillness. Peace. Intimacy. Rest. |
Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
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Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
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Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
Ideally it would radiate from my eyes, so filling me that it exudes from my very pores. I'm not there, but I realize that this is the way it should be. I can recognize the ideal in many situations, even while being assured that in real life, the goal may not be attained. However, I'm learning there can be intermediate steps that can give Him glory on the way.
When the priests and Levites came to John the Baptist asking, "Who are you?", his answers uncompromisingly and unabashedly gave glory to the Messiah. Every part of his response pointed to the Messiah and His glory. When John mentioned his being unworthy to even unlatch the sandal of Jesus, he wasn't playing the Poor-Pitiful-Me game-it wasn't about him. John was stressing how great our God is. No pride (false or otherwise)-just Jesus, and John's relationship to His kingdom: "I am a voice..."
Who John claims to be is encompassed by whose he is, and his calling in God's kingdom. How often I have the opportunity to answer this very question, and blow it. Of course, it is not asked in these words. It is generally veiled by queries about, "How do you do it all?", because what people really want to know is, "Why would you do this all?" Knowing they don't understand could be the perfect opportunity to give my Lord glory through my answer, as I too, tell whose I am, and my calling in His kingdom. And yet I most often do not.
How I would love to be that woman who, walking in the Spirit, so illumines my surroundings that God's presence is tangilbe to even the casual observer! I know this would be the Lord's desire for me as well. So often this question (Who are you?) comes while I am distracted, living the moment in Martha's world instead of Mary's, and I stumble over some trite answer that does not point to Him. While I fall short, I also fall on His grace, and know that while missing the mark, I am still beloved of Him. Until I have arrived, (if that will even be on this side of Glory), and the right answers just roll off my tongue without effort, I can practice the right answer.
Will God be less glorified by my having an answer pre-planned and well-thought-out ahead of time? I hope not. My heart is to glorify Him, and if that takes spending some time in the afterglow of worship, praying over an answer for the hope that is within me, then so be it. Even though it has to be better than my current fumbling for an answer, I will still pray to be transformed into that woman from whom His living water flows spontaneously...for I know He is able to perform even this.
Until that day, I better get busy on my answer...because the question will surely come when I'm least expecting it.
Just like babies...
Just like His return...
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Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
(This was so moving, I couldn't resist sharing it. It is long, but I promise it is rich enough to be worth the time.)
There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States. Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his or her freshman year, regardless of his or her major. Although Dr Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously. This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going on to seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class. One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. Steve said, "I do about 200 every night." "200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?" Steve replied, "I don't know... I've never done 300 at a time." "Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson. "Well, I can try," said Steve. "Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor. Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it." Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind." Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited. It was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class. Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?" Cynthia said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?" "Sure." Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk. Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you want a donut?" Joe said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten push ups for every person before they got their donut. Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?" Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own push ups?" Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them." Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then." Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?" With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten push ups. Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!" Dr. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk. Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?" Sternly, Jenny said, "No." Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut. By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved. Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten push ups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely. Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it. Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set. Steve asked Dr Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?" Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your push ups You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And Dr. Christianson went on. A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "No! Don't come in! Stay out!" Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come." Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten push ups for him?" Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut." Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?" Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said,"give me a donut." "Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten push ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down. Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room. The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?" Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you." Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push ups for Linda. Then Dr Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?" Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr. Christianson, Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone, I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes." "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?" As Steve very slowly finished his last push up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor. Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said."And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, "into thy hands I commend my spirit." With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten." Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile. "Well done, good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding "Not all sermons are preached in words." Turning to his class, the professor said, "My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not His only Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid."
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Posted in Walking Humbly With My God
They don't grow faster just because I keep peeking. In fact, it appears to have no effect whatsoever. Whether I sneak out to the garden two times or twelve times in a day, the net effect is still zilch. Happily I can report that there are indeed a few seedlings in our newly planted garden. I think. Or perhaps they are weeds. It is difficult to discern the difference. Having never actually observed a radish plant (or turnip, carrot, parsnip, beet, or dill), I can only conjecture (poor city kid). I definitely did not buy seeds packaged "especially for beginners". I know this because there are no pictures on the seed envelopes. My time now is spent pondering the implications of possible weed invaders. I cannot risk plucking up my precious seedlings inadvertently. The cost of that unwitting act would be weeping, wailing, and reproofs from my children. I shudder at the thought. Therefore, the weeds have to stay for a while until I am able to correctly discern their evil identities. How long will that be? By the time I recognize them, will it be too late? Will they have accomplished their sinister deeds under cover of dark soil, wrapping themselves tightly around the roots of our cherished seedlings? If I wait too long, will I damage or (gulp) even kill the seedlings in the process of ripping out the weeds? I'm thinking the best plan is to get help from one who knows the difference between the evil and the good, and is able to root out the weeds without damage to the healthy roots. I've listened to enough Christiana to know that there are spiritual applications here. Surely there are secret sins lying beneath the surface of my heart that I have yet to recognize. They, too, can weave themselves around the healthy roots and cause damage. Waiting until they grow up is too dangerous. By the time they are recognizable, I may be too attached to them, and them to me. I'm thinking the best plan is to get help from One who knows the difference between the evil and the good, and is able to root out the weeds without damage to the healthy roots. I know that One. He does know the difference, and He is able. Just like David I'll ask Him,"Who can understand his faults? Cleanse thou me from secret faults." Psalm 19:12. About the garden weeds, I'll probably ask Old Mr. Clark from across the street. |







