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I am what he has made me

My husband is always telling me I’m beautiful. Over the years I have learned to accept and be comfortable with a compliment I never thought really fit me (doesn’t every woman suffer from this a bit?). I learned to look into his sincere eyes and see that he looks at me with his heart. You know, I still blush when he says it! After almost 13 years of marriage and 4 years of dating before that- 17 years total and he still makes me blush!
Anyway I was reading an article one day (and man, I don’t know exactly where if it was print or online—so if you’ve read it- jog my memory, please!) about a group of men who started sharing pictures of their families and one man didn’t want to show a picture of his wife. When asked why, his response was “My wife isn’t pretty anymore.” After a moment of awkward silence one man came up, put his arm around the other man and said, “She is what you made her.”
I finished reading the article but I can’t really tell you what the rest of it said as I focused on that line- She is what you made her. Wow. That explains it! My husband says I grow more beautiful the longer we are married and now I know the secret. I am what he makes me. Besides God, my husband is the most important and influential person in my life. What he says and how he treats me has a lot to do with what I think of myself. Really. He thinks I’m smart and beautiful- so I am. I’m sure if I could really, truly see myself through his eyes I would be shocked and amazed! Because of his love for me and how he treats me/shows me that love I am a better person- I want to be a better person. I want to shower him with love and affection to show how much he means to me. I desire to be beautiful for him!

If a mean man can demean his wife and tell her she’s ugly/fat/dumb after years of this she will (usually) begin to believe it to be true. She will undoubtedly begin to look/act the way he has portrayed her. So shouldn’t it work the opposite way? If our loving husbands tell us we are beautiful/lovely/smart/s*xy shouldn’t we begin to believe it?! Shouldn’t we hold our heads high with confidence and begin to look the part?! A smile alone will add to our face value!
I am reminded of something my Gram asked me after I was married a few months. She asked if I prepped myself before Mr. Steady came home from work. “Prep?” I asked. “Whatever do you mean?” and Gram’s reply, “You know, do you change your clothes, look nice and neat, do your hair, freshen your make-up and add a sprits of perfume?” Me: “Uh, no.” I remember being puffed up with that sense of idiotic self/pride and thought to myself- “I don’t need to do that. He needs to accept me just the way I am. I don’t need to impress him!” I remember shaking my head later and thinking that was the difference in me being a woman of the 90’s and her being a woman of the 40-50’s. To me, women just didn’t do that anymore- it just wasn’t necessary.
And now, here I am at 33 years of age with close to 13 years of marriage and every afternoon about an half hour before Mr. Steady is due home I do the following:

I brush my teeth and comb my hair; add a couple sprits of perfume and a dab of lip gloss. I check my clothes to make sure I’m clean and neat. Then I pick up anything lying about, light a couple of wonderful smelling candles, give the house a once over to make sure it’s nice and neat and tune my ear to the sound of his car or the front door so that I can be opening the door as he reaches for the knob.
Now, how do you think he greets me? *wink* Can I just say that it’s worth the bit of time I take? It really isn’t a big deal to take a few minutes to prep myself on the outside- mostly I find there are days when I have to prep the inside (heart/feelings) more.. Sometimes it’s been a rough day and I am feeling angry/worn-out/stressed out and not feeling the least inclined to take the minutes to primp. On those days I find my heart needs primping more than the rest of me. A few deep breaths and a prayer to calm my heart usually do the trick. There have been a few afternoons when I’ve known that a quick 20 minute cat nap is necessary to restore my good health.
Often those few welcome home moments with Mr. Steady can wipe away a horrible, bad, no good, dirty rotten day. And he says that the greeting at the door can do the same for him on those days.
This is a small way to let Mr. Steady know I deeply appreciate him and his love for me. I know that I am not always beautiful- often I have an ugly temper and pair that with a bit of selfishness. It never ceases to amaze me that the man knows all about me but continues to love me in spite of myself!

Part 3- CTBHHM- The Changes.

This is the third installment of a 3 part posting. Please go here for part 1 and here for part 2.
Already, Mr. Steady and I are noticing wonderful new changes. We feel closer now than we ever have (and dear one, we’ve always been a very close couple) and are seeing God controlling my anger and frustrations to levels I have never been able to ever attain. We see God gifting me with a patience and level of compassionate understanding that I was quite incapable of before. We see a family now living on a much more even keel- experiencing less and less major highs and lows. God has kept my mouth shut on many occasions and infractions that would have in the past been major are now minor and not worth noting. Past hurts that I would have dwelled on and used as kindling for starting new fires have faded away to nothing.
It is nothing short of glorious what God is doing. On the book’s cover- under the title is this phrase “Discover how God can make your marriage glorious”. I am so glad I ignored what others had to say (others who I normally agree with in many ways) and following my doubting ways, bought this book. God can truly make your marriage glorious. Of that I have no doubt. You will find, however, that as the wife you must give more and expect less. Not fair I know, but I doubt it’s exactly fair or that we are deserving of the blessings, grace and mercy God is ready to heap upon us. There is no such thing as equal sacrifice (hello? No one can equal God giving His perfect son!!!). I have always been disgusted by life’s unfairness but I can’t help but think of all those years I wasted thinking more along the lines of what was fair and just and missed out on so many blessings. Oh, the high costs I didn’t know I was paying because I believed in equality, equal footing, equal responsibility, equal division of labor etc. I see mounds of prettily wrapped up presents, all blessings, that I walked right past over the years in my quest for equality. I believe I lost out on many blessings because of my desires for my Dearest to value me for all my hard work, to show me that value and to output just as much as I felt I was. In truth, I was being quite unfair to him. Shame on me.
Now that my eyes have been opened it is unfortunate for me and my personality that I have looked and seen where other women close to me are lacking. I desire to pass this book around to some ladies I know but I won’t. First they must have a teachable spirit- if their heart isn’t open to learning and change then this book will be no help to them and in fact, may do more harm. And so when these women pop into my head or I hear them whining/complaining talking about their marriages and find myself about to comment (remember that I have that malady of foot-in-mouth syndrome- one of the symptoms being the act of saying exactly what you think before you temper it . . . .) I instead lift up a prayer and remind myself that I too was once quite ignorant of God’s plan for wives/help meets.
So I pray. I pray for God to grant me the opportunities to speak about the difference He has made in me and for him to guide my words as I speak them. I pray that I would live it out right in front of them. I pray for those women I know who are heavy on my heart, whose marriages are in turmoil, I pray that their hearts would be softened and become teachable; I pray that they would become miserable in their desire for fairness/justice and seek instead the blessings of submission to the Lord and to become the help meet God intended.
Perhaps you are such a woman. Please know that I am praying for you.

Contentment Joy and Thanksliving

Part 2 CTBHHM

On Being a Help Meet

I continue to read, be intrigued and inspired by Created To Be His Help Meet (written by Debi Pearl). I haven’t finished the book yet, not due to neglecting it but because I have been savoring it.
I have found my enjoyment in this book is best when I read one chapter then take the time to stop and meditate and pray about what I’ve read. I also try to limit myself to no more than 3 chapters a day so that I can really think on and pray about what I am learning. I believe this to be the very best way to digest this book.
The letters Mrs. Pearl shares from other women add a large amount to the flavor of the book. Some of the letters are wonderful and inspiring, some disgust me (have me wag my head in shame and tsk, tsking), some motivate me and others shock me. I am amazed at what people will pour out into a letter (then again- who am I to say that- I'm a blogger! LOL). I am amazed at what people will blame God for and amazed still at what some women will “put up with” (for lack of a better term). More so, I am amazed at how my heart and mindset is being challenged, changed and reaffirmed by my reading.
My marriage has always been wonderful and very blessed. I have never once doubted my husband’s love for me and separate sleeping arrangements, let alone the word divorce, have never been a part of our lives. We have had our share of arguments and have at times slept fitfully next to each other because our hearts were not right with each other or the Lord but we have always resolved our issues and have done so within 24 hours (it is very harmful to continue to hold a grudge!). We do not prolong arguments and I have never used the silent treatment (although, come to think of it, he may have appreciated that more than the ranting I was once known to do! LOL).
To Be Continued. Part 1 of 3 posts.