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Age, birthdays and pondering moments

The busy days have begun to wear . . . . or perhaps it is just the thought of my dear oldest daughter turning 11 yesterday? Perhaps it is much more the latter than the former.
I don’t feel like I should be the mama of an 11 yo. Just how is the mother of an 11 yo suppose to act? I said to my mama before, “I don’t think I act like a 34 yo should.” She asked me what I thought a 34 yo woman should act like . . . .
Hmm. I didn’t know but I was sure I wasn’t acting much like one.
She asked me if I wanted to act like one.
Ah- Nope. 34 seems to be teetering on the edge of having one’s act together- not me. What is that phrase?? “Age is relative.”
My grandfather has always said, “Act as old as you feel.” In that case- some days I’d be 90 and other 9!
I was a tender young 23 when Maiden came into this world on a freezing cold Friday the 13^th.  Not a bad luck day- although I went in to be induced, labored for half the day and ended up with a c-section but I ended up with so much more- a precious bundle of joy in my arms. Pictures and video don’t do it justice. I wish, so wish we could revisit moments in time- to feel those feelings- to look and to hold her close and kiss her baby cheeks. Ah, it is bittersweet. That first Christmas with Maiden- just 2 weeks old- I had my first inklings of what thoughts may have flitted through Mary’s mind . . . . . what she may have thought as she held that new born baby . . . .
I think on these last 11 years and all those other moments I wish to revisit- its as if they are each tantalizingly just out of reach. I can recall some of the feelings of precious times but I ache for a bit more- for a touch . . . .
When she was born the verse from Luke 2:19 played thru my thoughts often “Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart . . . .”  The Message words it was this: "Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself." NLT says "Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often." I knew that I needed to do this too- to take these moments and store the treasures in my mind’s eye and in my heart, holding them dear and deep within me. And think about them often.
It seems that each year my children grow older the memories are more and more precious. My darling little Mr. Conductor is not so little anymore. He is growing so tall and doing so much and all I want to do is hold him close, cuddling and burying my nose in that still sweet smelling spot in the crook of his neck. Each night as  I kiss my children and pray a blessing over them as they sleep I ponder. I touch soft cheeks and caress bare toesies and think how quickly they are growing.
Wasn't it just yesterday that I held them swaddled in my my arms? That I nursed and snuggled and watched as their tiny fingers gripped and held just one of my own?
My darling Maiden is becoming a young woman before my very eyes. My heart quickens as I think of all that I still need to teach her and yet- how much she already knows and understands. We are so blessed with a young lady whose heart hungers for the Lord and to follow His path. I know that the baby and toddler years are gone and though I long for just moments of them- I know there are many blessings still waiting in our future. More memories to treasure and ponder. I know my daughter is growing in grace and beauty.
It is a joy to behold.
But bittersweet at that.
Yes, it is bittersweet.

Untitled Comment

11:50 PM, 2007-Dec-14 .. Posted by Laura

Oh Amy, you made me tear up here... our youngest is 3, oldest is 6, and the time is just flying by. It breaks my heart and makes it soar, all at the same time.

Blessings to your "little" girl during this special time in her life.