Home Sweet Simple Home

Part 4: Being Respected and Appreciated in your home and homeschool

Laura, I am not sure what you mean by “my son doesn’t respect me”- you mention that he is caring and thoughtful then state “but I just can't get it through his head that I need help around the house if we are going to homeschool”- is this really a sign of disrespect or is he overwhelmed at the thought of it all? Here’s another question- for you and for your son- do you see the “big picture” and only the big picture- as in a house that is cluttered and out-of-sorts or are you “scene selection” people- as in can you see the task broken down into smaller more manageable pieces? If you are both the former- then you will both need to learn to “break it down”. My 2^nd daughter- “Sassafras” is easily overwhelmed by big tasks- especially cleaning a whole room and her Language Arts lessons. Her immediate reaction is to sit there and cry. Let me add that this [the L.A.] frustrated me to no end for weeks until I learned that she needs it put into smaller more manageable pieces. Instead of asking her to write dialog (which I did and then she burst into tears) - I ask her to have a pretend conversation between 2 of her stuffed animals. I let her do this for a bit- to warm up- and then quickly scribble down what she is saying. I read it back to her and show her how this is dialog—then if that went well, I ask her to write two sentences of dialog, after that 2 more until she has approx. 6-8 sentences. As for room cleaning- it is as I mentioned before- broken down into zones with a different part of her room being cleaned each day (otherwise she sits there, crying and lamenting the fact that she doesn’t know where to start and she’ll never get done and she’s gonna be stuck in her room forever x infinity- which tends to drop my sanity level to below zero and mommy meltdown soon commences).
Laura- I don’t know how particular you are about cleaning house- you may need to re-evaluate that for yourself. To me- clean is picked up and presentable. We dust and vacuum once a week- whether it needs it or not (LOL). We pick up every day- necessary for controlling clutter. We put schoolwork away every day as I found neither the kids nor I want to be reminded of it after it’s finished until the next day- we feel we’ve really accomplished it all when we can put it away!
Laura- you mentioned health issues that cause you to struggle to keep up with everything. First, let me say- “I’m praying for you.” 2^nd- I need to ask- does your son take advantage of your weakness? One of my dear homeschooling friends got pneumonia last year right after they started back to school. She couldn’t do very much for long periods of time so the kids schooled in bursts. She would do work with them that required her help while she lay down on the couch and they sat on the floor next to her. Then she would send them to the table- visible to her from the couch, to do independent work. She would alternate the help-needed work with the independent work.
Perhaps a bit of incentive is needed with your child(ren). For awhile we used tickets- you know the kind they hand out at carnivals etc. (I bought a huge roll at Big Lots). You could hand out a certain number of tickets for schoolwork- work done neatly, done in a timely manner, done without whining/complaining and a certain number for home keeping jobs—picking up toys for 15 minutes earns x amount of tickets, sweeping the kitchen floor is x tickets, working without complaining gets bonus tickets, playing nicely and quietly with sis gets x tickets. When we did this we found it was best to cash in the tickets at the end of the day to keep them interested. What were our rewards? Picking out a family DVD, staying up half hour past bedtime, a half hour of computer time, playing a board game with Daddy, baking cookies with Mom, reading an extra book or extra chapter at bedtime, a hot fudge sundae or banana split—they could hold on to their tickets and work towards bigger rewards- like family pizza/take-out nite, breakfast out with mom or dad, purchasing a book at the bookstore, going to a matinee. [Think of rewards that will delight your children- things they like to do but you just don’t do often enough- it doesn’t have to break the bank to be a reward.] NOW- here’s the kicker- as they earn tickets you put them in a jar (so they can see it) with their name on it and when they whine, complain, misbehave and generally disrespect and dissolve your patience and sanity—YOU TAKE TICKETS AWAY. The first time my oldest saw her jar not just empty but with an IOU in it (yes, it was a bad day) she got the gist of what I was trying to accomplish. Just as my middle child realized the error of her ways the night she had to go to her room while the rest of us watched a new family DVD.
I’m happy to say that the tickets are no longer necessary at our home but I keep the big orange roll of them on the shelf in my office ready if called into service once again.
On Respect: My husband sat down with my girls and talked with them about the need to respect me as their mother and teacher [verses shared: Deuteronomy 5:16, Proverbs 16:21, Colossians 13:5, 1 Peter 2:17]. He made a game of it- having them role play a right response and a wrong response. Then they made a list of different ways they could show honor to me and ways to encourage and help me. The night of that talk I found my side of the bed turned down with a wonderful letter from Maiden on my pillow- where she listed different things she is thankful for about me as a mom and teacher. It now resides in my personal homeschool planner- front page.

Next: Part 5: Just want to mention one more thing

Untitled Comment

11:05 PM, 2007-Oct-17 .. Posted by Laura

Hi Amy!

I've thoroughly enjoyed your posts - I am so grateful for the help you've given me.

And you know what? I do think Michael respects me, most of the time - but I do think he is overwhelmed. And yes, he does take advantage of my health issues from time to time, because they've been going on for half of his life - I admit I just didn't fight enough over a lot of stuff for so long.

As far as being organized, well, that is one trait that eludes me. I try, so hard, and can do fine for a while, but chaos takes over fast. It wasn't always this way - not until children and a crazy work schedule and illness took over, now I just get overwhelmed.

I did start back with Flylady a couple of weeks ago, and progress is being made (my sink is shined nearly every night now!) - I just think I need to show Michael where I need help with things, and what I expect of him. We started out homeschooling teaching Home Ec, but let it slide when life got in the way... it's time to begin that again, I'm sure.

I can't wait to read Part 5 - and I really do appreciate this. My heart is rejuvenated already, but I still need help seeing how to put things into action. Thank you, Amy, for showing me how you do it - you really are such a blessing to me (and others I see from the comments!).

Blessings,
Laura