Friday, August 8, 2008

Very Quick Update

I want to apologize for not updating this blog for a while...

Some things I should cover with this entry are:

COURT
Court on the 5th didn't go nearly as bad as I thought it was going to.

When we arrived to the courthouse, I first went to the DA's office. There, he got further information and prepared me for the hearing to come.

Remember, I still did not have any representation, and when the court commissioner put me on the stand to testify and respond to my husband's attorney's questions and allegations, I was sure that was the end.

The district attorney told me not to worry about my husband and whoever else would be sitting in the courtroom on my husband's "side".

"Just look at me. I'll be over in the corner. You don't have to worry about him. He can't hurt you."

Amazingly, after just a few minutes, though, I learned that I wasn't frightened of him. I could look him directly in the eyes!

I am going to summarize in brief, now.

The questioning went on much longer than the judge had anticipated or set aside time for, so we had to break, and then recommence a couple hours later.

In that interim, I met again with the DA and was put in touch with a woman with Victim/Witness and she spoke with me for a while. She felt that a restraining order would be wise and in my best interest. So, an attorney was brought from across the street... a woman who does "pro bono" work... and we filled that form out.

When it was about time to go back into the courtroom, the DA informed me that my husband's attorney was going to now be asking him questions. I groaned inside. I could only imagine.

"You can ask him questions, too, you know." he said. "Just put your words into question form."

In the courtroom, I listened carefully to how my husband's attorney was questioning my husband. And, as he answered, and the falsehoods spilled forth, I got out my notepad and pen and began responding in question form!

I found that to be the highlight of the whole day! It was the first time that I was EVER able to speak to my husband, confront him with the truth, and NOT be cut off, interrupted, scolded, belittled or attacked!

I cross-examined my husband and it felt GOOD!

Even though many of my husband's answers were flat-out lies... the questions I posed at least put the truth "out there" for the court commissioner and others!

It was totally empowering!

Another neat thing was that the judge was a woman. My husband hates women. He thinks that NO man should EVER have to listen to a woman. Here he was at the mercy of one!

My mother-in-law, sister-in-law and brother-in-law were there, along with several church members. Some other girl was there, too. A friend of my husband's?

My mother-in-law could not control her courtroom behavior and was asked to leave. When all was over, she tried to get in my face, threateningly, saying that she hoped that the children would still be ALIVE by the time she again was allowed to see her grandchildren.

"That's ENOUGH!" shouted the District Attorney as I kept moving forward, and kept my eyes away from my mother-in-law.

The child services investigation report was on its way to the DA when court began in the morning. But he hadn't yet received it. He was waiting for the promised fax. Shortly before the first session ended, someone brought it in to him.

Because we had that investigation ... and the court commissioner had not seen it... and because there was domestic violence involved, no ruling was made.

We go back on the 18th to have the restraining order extended to four years, and to continue the courtroom proceedings for the issue of custody.

I agreed to two days per week of phone contact between my husband and the children.

Now I search for an attorney...

FREEDOM and ILLNESS!
The good thing about this restraining order I've obtained is that I can go outside with the children, again!

The first time we attempted to take a walk was Monday. Unfortunately, we were stopped a few blocks from the shelter by a woman in a car. She drove right up next to us and asked me, "Aren't those the children that are on this!?" and held up the "Missing Children" flyer my husband had posted all over, saying that they were with their "unstable" mother and in danger.

"Have you seen this?" she asked me, referring to that stupid sheet of photographs.

"Yes I have," I told her.

How I wish I'd had that restraining order with me right then to PROVE that I wasn't some crazy woman. Oh, it was so mortifying!

I didn't even want to walk any further. That woman had told me my husband had driven around "for days passing these out door to door."

Every house I passed, I felt that people were looking at me, thinking I was a nut!

I've been ill. The seven-year-old had a scheduled appointment with an optometrist. It was decided to pack up all six children, today, and take the city bus to the hospital/clinic. This included transfers.

I felt daring and brave!

The children did really well, though, all things considering.

I went to urgent care, where they felt breathing treatments were in order. I was given an inhaler treatment and several prescriptions. Hopefully my bronchitis will improve quickly.

I feel just awful!

Then... we made our way to the hospital cafeteria where we enjoyed a nice lunch together before heading to the eye appointment.

A full exam was given, a new prescription for corrective eyewear was written, and we chose our frames. My daughter will once again have glasses by the end of next week.

They said that if the glasses and patching do not help her lazy eye, we will need to make surgical arrangements.

After we were through at the hospital, it was time to head back on the bus. The little ones were reaching their limit by this time. They were more of a handful than they had been before.

We stopped at a ShopKo pharmacy and filled prescriptions, then the two little boys each bought themselves with birthday money "Grandma" had sent.

Time to make the bus transfer...

And finally... return to the shelter.

Ahhhh....

When those little ones went to sleep and all grew quiet, I felt great!

It was a good day. I didn't worry even once about running into my husband or in-laws until ShopKo. But I did have the restraining order with me. I was only concerned that excited children wandering all over new toy isles, separating, would cause problem.

It's late, and I'm tired. Time to close again.

Please forgive this "pieced" entry. I did not re-read it for grammatical errors and readability!

God bless each and every one of you who've remembered the children and I in prayer.

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Friday, August 8, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Anonymous
Said:

Thank you for updating your blog, Carrie. You are a wise and courageous woman. I'm glad you were able to really talk to your husband without fear.

May the Lord continue to bless you and your young ones.

Love,
Beth