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I feel like I live in a box. It’s been two days, now, since I’ve seen more than just the shine of light through blinds and a week since the sun has touched my skin. A couple days ago, we were excited to learn about a special place that we could walk to that was secluded and yet offered both safety and privacy. But, since my husband’s and mother-in-law’s impromptu showing, that option has been pitched. I have been instructed to write everything that I remember down. That is easier said than done. How do you adequately describe an abusive environment? It encompasses so much more than words can describe. The entire atmosphere is charged differently. The way the wife and children respond are mechanical and very careful. How can you share occurrences that are difficult to explain? Times when you were made to feel “crazy” or how a certain glare made you cringe and fear for safety? How do you clearly share the look of anguish on a two-year-old’s face as he attempts to chase after his father for reassurance after being flipped over violently and smacked repeatedly while his head is being forcefully held down? How do you tell in words the horror of seeing a literal trail of blood in his wake? How can you get across the body language of someone who so easily maneuvers his way through others’ emotions and fears? Someone who knows the precise “buttons” to push with each individual? How can I remember everything important? What is important to remember, anyway? And it is impossible to see how that will someday help me in these circumstances… |
Thoughts
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