... not a great week ...

Posted on Saturday, January 12, 2008 at 09:47 in random ramblings

This was not a great week for me in my journey to get healthier. I did get on the treadmill twice and made it to the gym once. However, my mood has sunk to an all-time low and I just don't want to think about eating well or exercising. Yes, that is counter-productive, but I have dealt with depression for over 14 years and it gets worse during the winter time, so I'm used to this. It's depressing to know that you weigh more than your husband ... sigh ... my husband is the symbol of health - is thin and fit, runs (is training for a marathon), can eat whatever he wants, has great cholesterol levels and blood pressure, blah, blah, blah!

I don't like what I see in the mirror and that affects my feelings about intimacy with my husband. I don't want him to see me this way ... yuck! I caved and ate chocolate and a chocolate milkshake from McD's this week. I'm eating late at night and I'm eating even when not hungry. I just feel beat ... unattractive, bloated, and a failure. I couldn't even make myself go to the gym this morning. I didn't have any excuse, really ... just couldn't see the point of going - it's not going to do me any good anyway.

My itchy hands are driving me crazy and their presence is constant distracting me from everything else going on. I just can't focus right now. I know that this is PMS week and that is part of my problem, but I'm also dealing with the constant thought that I'm going to fail again, so why bother even trying?

Sorry that this is such a negative post, but I need to be honest during this journey. I'll probably not post again until I can work through this negativity and deal with my emotions and feelings about all of this. So, I'll be back when I'm ready!

DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by trying2bfrugal on Saturday, January 12, 2008 at 10:22 - Link

I can relate to what your going through right now. Do you know how I overcome? Start each day anew. You may have failed yesterday but today you can be a success. When I get on the treadmill I start out by telling myself that I don't like it but eventually I get in a rhythm and start enjoying it.
When I loose weight I always buy a new outfit for my weight loss. This is from the thrift store of course. However, when I get to my goal I get a brand new outfit.
Maybe you goals are too high. Make attainable goals for yourself. Tell yourself that for the month of January you will have a goal of working out 2X's a week then increase. Remember ~ Slow and Steady WINS the race.
Blessings.

Don't Give Up Kris!

Posted by kim2661 on Saturday, January 12, 2008 at 12:51 - Link

I know you're feeling down, but you are not a failure! Please don't get into the trap of comparing yourself to your fit husband (I have done this myself). Remember that your husband has different hormones, muscle mass, and metebolism than you. Also, your itchy hands are surely affecting your whole body - physically, mentally, and emotionally. I think once your hands feel better, you'll get right back on track. Give your body some time to heal, and please don't be so hard on yourself.
Peace and blessings, Kim

hands

Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, January 12, 2008 at 01:59 - Link

Try soaking your fingers in white vinegar. I have a condition very similar to yours and was diagnosed with eczema (sp??) by the dermotologist. Soaking in white vinegar seemed to cut the itch.
just an idea. There could also be a secondary fungal infection - you could try some lamisil on your fingers at night and then put on the cotton gloves - or I used tea tree oil on mine - when I mentioned this to the dermotoligst she said that was a good choice (she was trying to prescribe me creams - antifungal). I still have the skin flaking and splitting - but not the itching.