Thanks to all of you who offered your condolences after our miscarriage. I really appreciate it! May God bless you for your kindness. |
Today I plan on making some cookies with the kids. We're going over to a friend's house on Tuesday to make sugar cookies with her children, so today I figured that we'd make some fudge and maybe some Florentine cookies. Those are one of our favorites. We'll see beyond that. I might get too tired! Plus, the kitchen in our apt. is miniscule. We'll see how the overcrowding goes!
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Over the weekend we lost the baby. We are all sad, but the dr. said more than likely there was something genetically wrong. I'm doing pretty good. I was melancholy for a few days, but I'm still strong inside. :) Over the weekend, before we lost the baby, we went to Lindell Cooley's church in Franklin. It was really good. The worship was deep and without hype. The word was good too, on the Pharisaical spirit. We're going to go back next Sunday.
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I almost always know when I am pregnant. Sometimes I'm "paranoid" that I am, when in fact I am not. But this month, I knew that I knew that I was. I told my husband that I knew that I was. He brought to attention the fact that I sometimes get this "paranoid" feeling about it. I just ignored him this time, because I knew that I was. I've known since the day after conception that I was. I could feel it. Then came the sore breasts and slightly crampy stomach. (I rarely get cramps around my menstruation. For me cramps= pregnancy.) Then came the nausea starting last Thursday night. I also had it on Friday and Saturday night. My cycle isn't even officially due until tomorrow, but I was so certain that I was pregnant that I took a test yesterday morning. It immediately popped up two lines!!! So #5 is on his/her way! It was a sort-of surprise in that we really weren't trying to get pregnant, as I wanted to try for a Fall baby in February. (It wasn't a surprise because I knew that I was pregnant from day 1.) Regardless of it being a surprise or a sort-of surprise, we are happy about it. It's funny that with our first pregnancy, Eric was really detached throughout the whole ordeal. I would try in many ways to get him involved or show emotion about the pregnancy. He is Mr. Steady, which is good most of the time! But I wanted him to show how excited he was about it. But nothing....not when Lilly moved around in my stomach, not at the dr. appt. hearing the heartbeat. The only time he showed a little bit of emotion was when he was at the first ultrasound and the little Lilly bean, who had been in a peaceful repose, fluttered about in my stomach whenever Eric laid his hand on my belly and started praying for her. That was it though, the only brief moment of emotion the entire pregnancy. Now after Lilly was born it was a different story. I was still in the delivery room and had no idea where my newborn daughter or her father was. Come to find out he was getting a ton of pictures together with her for over an hour. When we got the pictures developed there were MANY with Eric holding Lilly with a big grin on his face. Jump ahead to yesterday morning. I wondered how I would react when I found out for sure if I was pregnant. I wondered....okay, pretty much knew that I was. But when I saw both lines on the pee stick, I got a thrilling rush of elation! I have my first dr. appt. on Monday, December 10. It's a new baby and I'm going to a new dr while living in a new state. It's a little daunting, but I'll be thrilled to see little baby Kopp around the EDD of July 30. |
So I told Eric and he was Mr. Steady, as usual. HAHA! But when we were at the breakfast table talking with our little family about the new little Kopp in my belly. He started tearing up!!! I couldn't believe it, but I LOVED it!!! Now this may sound a little romanticized, but with every child I've grown to realize what a miracle life is. And I'm so thankful for every little Kopp that has came our way, is on the way and will come our way in the future.
Today I'm going grocery shopping. I'm going to try to go to the Nashville farmer's market....just to see if the prices are comparable. There probably isn't very much right now, but I will say that it is HUGE! http://www.nashvillefarmersmarket.org/index.html It may not be the thing for this paycheck though. It's TIGHT! I need to talk to Hubby about it. I'm hoping that I'll be able to find eggs cheaper there than at the grocery store. And fresh cream and such.... It will be fun if we do go. Otherwise, we're off to Wild Oats and then Publix after lunch!
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go organic. This is hard when you have NO yard...literally. I have some health issues that I'm hoping eating organic food will alleviate the problem. BUT it's sooooo expensive. I wish that I could buy bulk organic ww flour like I used to, but there isn't any room here for our deep freeze. I miss it! On the brighter side of things, there are more organic products available CLOSE-BY here in TN than there were in IL. It was really hard to buy organically there. I had to travel at least 45 minutes to find a grocery store with organic food. Here it is only five minutes away. And then there is an even better one about 20 minutes away. That part is nice. It's still really expensive though. Can't wait until I have a farm!!!! |
and cheap meal planning at that. We'll be a little more strapped these next four months for reasons that I won't get into. BUT we'll be alright. We're not THAT strapped. Just have to plan more. Now I just have to find the time to do it! I have a meeting with someone for a couple of hours today at one. Then I'll have a little time, plus a little bit before making lunch to accomplish a menu. Tomorrow we're taking the kids to the Nashville Zoo. This is the first year that the kids are going to dress up for the season. They are really excited. Although we don't celebrate the witchcraft side of Halloween, we thought that they shouldn't be left out of the excitement of playing dress up and putting on make up and stuff. I used to be of the inclination to completely shun it, but I think that I have learned a little bit of balance these past couple of years. |
There's not much going on here family-wise. There is plenty going on music-wise, but I won't bore you with any of that. In four months we're thinking about looking for a home in the country. But with all that's going on with the music, we'll see.... We're plugging away with the homeschooling. I love homeschooling...there is so much freedom with it. All-in-all we're blessed and happy! |
I got all of my wisdom teeth pulled today. I'm either in a lot of pain or pretty much doped up because of the painkillers. I don't know which one I prefer! All-in-all I feel rather odd....hehe. The weirdest part is that my tongue is kind of numb. I hope that doesn't last too long. It feels prickly! But at least it is all done now. I will be looking into braces now. I've always wanted straight teeth. Now we can finally afford for me to get them. Although it might be odd for me to go out ministering in music with braces! HA! There goes pride out the window. |
I know that a lot of people already have this book, but if you don't I would definitely suggest it. It is a great book about the myths of nutrition provided by our government, companies and scientists of today. I already cooked quite a bit like the book suggested...whole grains, as much organic as I can afford, make my own bread, etc. However, I've never done any lacto-fermentation or preserved products using whey, so we'll see how that goes. So, at the moment I have some chicken stock on the stove. The aroma is permeating our little apartment making it seem at least a little homey. Most of the ingredients are organic...in fact everything, but the leek and bay leaves are. YEA! I've been trying to buy more organic. It's a little harder on the pocketbook if you look at it from the "grocery" side of it. BUT we have been in the bad habit of eating out and I figure the money I spend on the organic food is many times better than the money spent on eating less-than-excellent food somewhere other than at home.
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We are heading to IL this weekend because I have a couple of gigs this weekend there. We have a lot to do in the short time we are there. Two gigs, three different singing times, fix some things at the Lincoln house, pack some of our stuff in the van to bring here to TN, go to a party at Eric's side, see my family..... It seems like everytime we go to IL to visit, it is always busy. I wonder if it will always be like that. |
Tonight Lilly and I will be getting our yellow belts in Tae Kwon Do tonight at the awards ceremony. I didn't think that I was going to like Tae Kwon Do when I first started, as I am trained in ballet. However, Eric wanted me to be able to defend myself, just in case....so I started, albeit a little reluctantly. Lilly and Aggie love it. Aggie has to wait until next cycle to test. She was surprisingly "big" about it. I was worried that she would cry because Lilly got to test and she didn't. But she didn't! So now I have to learn the yellow belt form and one-steps and escapes so that I can get a green belt. |
I wrote this blog for my music page....just some thoughts that I've had on the controlling spirit. I'm going to write this blog with the knowledge that it may offend some people. But sometimes nothing anyone does will please "those" types of people because they are critical and judgmental and unforgiving. I've learned that "those" types of people are best to avoid, because they will lie to get people on their side, criticize your every move because of their jealosy, bitterness and unforgiveness. They will gossip to make themselves feel better. Those people are controlling....stay away from them. They will only bring you down. Sometimes a person will go through a time in their life when they show these attributes, but some people spend their whole lives in this giant soap opera drama, just for the sake of the attention. What motivates this? Is it rejection issues? Bitterness? Hatred? Sometimes they drag innocent people into this drama without the innocent even realizing they are being controlled for years. I've been one of the numbers who have done these things in a time where I was wounded. I regret my actions and have apologized to those who I feel deserve an apology. My bitterness caused other people a lot of pain that they did not need to go through. I will probably regret my hastiness until the day that I die, but I learned from it. I wouldn't trade the experience of the healing for anything. I learned WAY too much. I've learned the type of people to trust-- those that know how to cherish covenants of friendship. I've learned who NOT to trust-- those who are controlling and harmful to you and those who lie without remorse. I've learned how to communicate better. I've learned that sometimes you have to separate yourself from toxic people. I've discovered who I am. I've rediscovered my calling, regained my vision and by His grace have had my faith strengthened and my resolve fortified. I've learned that no matter how much I love certain people, I have to separate myself from them because they are controlling. Controlling people will threaten you and when you won't back down they will recant their threats in order to get back into your good graces. Once they are back in your good graces, they will slowly begin to criticize your life-- from your personality to your family to your ministry and even your Christian walk. It's a slow thing...very deceptive. Then when challenged the controlling person will get defensive and throw insults in your face while twisting the truth. Sometimes they do this intentionally and sometimes they don't realize it because they have lied to themselves so long they really think that the un-truth is the REAL truth. When challenged the controlling person will try to cause divisions in family by trying to get other family members on "their" side, when really there shouldn't be any sides to the situation. The controlling person will throw all the blame on you. When you stand up to them they will try EVERYTHING to ruin you and your character and your ministry. If you have experienced this from people in your life....YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!! This type of thing is either becoming more common or God is really sifting through His church....cleansing her and making her pure. Some of us probably have one or two of these attributes, but those who are really deep in this controlling spirit will have most of them. And as I said, some people will go through trials where they exhibit these traits. God is sifting them. As long as they realize it and acknowledge it and REPENT!, they will become free from one or all of them. Thank God for His grace. I've felt the brunt of these controlling people many times. I've seen it in pastoral leadership, in friendships, in blood family members, (not my parents,) and in ministries--on-line and off-line. Anytime anyone claims ownership over you...RUN! Run very fast!!!! So hopefully this will encourage some people. Hopefully this will have brought some peace to troubled hearts. Or shed some light on some areas in other people's lives. I don't mean it to offend....just writing some things I've contemplated for a few months. |
I've been accused by certain people of being controlling. But the truth of the matter is that most of the time the people who call me so are the ones who are controlling themselves and are threatened because I refuse to be controlled by any man. This isn't rebellion! This is knowing WHO is my God. It isn't a man. It isn't a friend. It isn't a ministry. It isn't my church leadership. It is THE LORD! It's standing and knowing who you are in Christ.
I just got back from a consult with a dental surgeon and I have to get two wisdom teeth extracted and one surgically removed. I don't have a fourth wisdom tooth. The one that needs surgically removed is only halfway through my gums and is near a nerve. Eric will be taking a couple of days off so that I will be able to recover easier. My surgery will be on October 8th. On a completely different subject we decided to not get the house. We are staying here until our lease runs out, which will be in the spring. So right now we are trying to save as much money as possible towards a possible 10th anniversary trip, a vacation next summer and a downpayment on a new house.
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When we talked to the apt complex we're in, we were told that there were no open 3BR apt and so we'd have no trouble finding a sub-leaser. By the time the seller of the house we want accepted our offer, we were suddenly 3rd on the list. And we just found out yesterday that we are now 4th on the list...meaning there are three 3BR apt that will be filled before ours can become "available". Since this is a growing area I'm hoping that they will fill quickly, but it really will be a strain on our finances. I may have to take a job if the apartments don't fill up soon enough. We have until November to find one before we start paying on the mortgage of the new house. We have one "out" that we could take on the house. We had the contract put up with the contingency of us approving a house inspection. There ARE a couple of issues with the house that we have. They are fixable, but they would cost money....which we wouldn't have because of the apartment situation. The whole thing is making me really uneasy. We may have to pull out. I have mixed feelings about it. I like the house, but the basement gets water. The A/C isn't working, which means the heat isn't working....and winter is around the corner. It may be a minor thing to tweak, but we don't know for sure. The gutters have "issues". The windows are older, but that was something that we already knew. The neighborhood scares me....I found out that there are 3 sexual predators down the road- one very close. So....I would appreciate prayers for us as we make this decision TODAY! Thanks. :) |
The seller has turned down both of the offers on the house because they wanted a sooner closing date from both of us. We were able to get our lender to push up the closing date. I'm not sure about the other bidder. We should find out sometime today whether we got it or not. I'm cool with whatever happens. The house is nice, but there ARE a lot of houses in the country here. One is bound to pop up sooner or later that is similar to what we want.
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We looked at the house on Friday evening and made an offer on the house. The area is a little.....primitive? But that doesn't bother me, because I would rather it be that way than hoity-toity. The property is weird too, with how the house is set up on it, but it is still "agricultural" so I can have chickens and goats if I want to. And yes, I want to....eventually. Some land has to be cleared out first though. There is a lot of woods. And this is all depending on whether we actually get it....meaning they accept our offer. |
In order to buy a home in the country, we had to have the following things fall into line: 1. We had to get out of a majority of our credit card debt. 2. We had to either sell or rent our house in IL. (Just so you know, for the longest time Eric was opposed to renting the house.) 3. We had to get out of our lease here at the apartment complex. 4. We had to get pre-approved for a loan that we couldn't put any money down on. 5. We had to find a "cheaper" place and here in the Nashville area it is hard because the area is BOOMING! So, I thought that I would be stuck in this 900-1000 sq. ft. apartment forever. It has started to annoy me, because the noise level is 10 times louder than it was in our house in IL. You can hear everything. Plus, the apt. is cheaply made. Hate to say it, but it's true. But I have just went along for the ride. Really I'm just glad to be near Eric and to have my sweet little family. But part of me has longed for the country for years. Probably ever since we moved away from it when I was a kid, at age 10. And since finding the site realtor.com, I have been almost possessed searching it from time to time. It wasn't constant or I might have joined some sort of group to get me rid of my addiction to it. haha Back in March, Eric got an e-mail from a company in TN, wanting to do an interview with him for a possible job. He had an interview mid-April. We hadn't heard back from them for probably 3 weeks or so and thought that they had picked someone else. But we did hear back and they wanted him for the job. So we moved 7 hours south on Memorial Day. We have been very happy here, albeit cramped. But just within the past two weeks, except for #1, the following things have fallen into place: 1. We got out of a majority of our credit card debt. 2. We found a renter for our house in Lincoln. 3. The apartment complex happens to be full right now and there is someone wanting a three-bedroom apartment. 4. We got pre-approved for a loan with no money down and with a clause allowing the purchaser to include the closing costs. 5. We found a "cheaper" place that is absolutely beautiful and perfect for us. We go see the house tonight. If everything is like we think it is, we are going to put on offer on it! I'm already imagining living there during the different seasons! I hope that it doesn't get snatched away from us. We're sold on the prospects already. I really didn't think that I'd find anything so perfect in this area. I am almost moved to tears because the place really is my dream house. I guess if it's meant to be it will happen. |
If you look at the entry by itself you can see the slideshow. |
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There is another house that we are interested in also. It is a prettier house, but on less land. The house may not be zoned agricultural either. If it is zoned residential, we aren't going to look at it. I want to raise chickens. I'm feeling better about the first house though, even though it isn't exactly what we would want as far as house style. Maybe just because I have a feeling that the other house is residential. Or maybe it's because I think that if we were to turn around and sell a house. The first one would be easier to sell with a higher profit margin. Who would have thought that I would turn business woman? Not me.
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