Down Mulberry Lane

4  ¶By humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, and honour, and life.

Ok, I understand what you are saying, but I know you want us to be debt free and to do that, I need to sell some items to pay off our debt... (do you say BUT... to the Lord?)

5  ¶Thorns and snares are in the way of the froward: he that doth keep his soul shall be far from them.

BUT... can be a snare... keeping you in one spot... never being able to let go, never being able to get truly close to Lord, because I am stuck in my snare... Ok... I see.

7  ¶The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

See... YOU don't want us in debt... I only know a couple ways to get out of debt... WORK...likely out of the home (we've tried at home jobs and the only one that gave us money for debt was daycare)...or selling stuff to pay off debt.

9  ¶He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor.

Bread is what sustains us... we pray, give us this day our daily bread... give my bread to the poor?  Give away all the fluff in our house (our bread, that which will help us get out of debt)...  that which will help keep giving us daily bread... I mean our debts will not get paid with nothing, so if it is gone... I have nothing extra to pay towards those debts... I already know our budget is cinched so tight... in fact our current budget allows for all the bills to be paid but absolutely NO MONEY FOR FOOD!... But Steve does get overtime, so I will need to put that overtime money into a food fund... and extra will go to pay off bills if that is even possible. ..the only extra money is our tax refunds which we have always paid unto debt... If that is what you want us to continue to do... OK.  I will trust that your timing is perfect... Lord, please help my faith that doing this is what you want us to do...  

16  ¶He that oppresseth the poor to increase his riches, and he that giveth to the rich, shall surely come to want.

Am I really trying to increase my riches??? I don't think so... I just want to pay off our debt.  Are you saying my heart is eager to increase in riches?  Eager to be debt free?  Eager to be independent?  Ahhh... OK... Eager to be self sufficient!  Ok, I am seeing my heart... I want to be free of this burden of debt... and willing to go slowly at it, but have been simply willing to only do it my way?  Are you saying that my goal to be debt free can come in the way of helping others?  That it can make me avoid YOUR course for my day... because of my plan to sell and get out of debt?  I feel that if I do accomplish this goal by my own way of doing things that you are saying I still will not be satisfied... what goal will I pursue next... it is a selfish goal for some in getting out of debt... meaning that we've attained something others haven't... put us into a different category perhaps...I reread...2  ¶The rich and poor meet together: the LORD is the maker of them all. I am beginning to read my own heart.  I didn't think I was trying to attain something of earthly value, but I think I was beginning to see that I can take a Biblical value of being debt free and making it a god.  It was all I thought of...my days plans were made around this goal... our diet was made around the goal (remember me saying I wouldn't buy fruits and veggies out of season because they cost too much???) Oh, my self-righteous soul! 

17  ¶Bow down thine ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply thine heart unto my knowledge.
18  For it is a pleasant thing if thou keep them within thee; they shall withal be fitted in thy lips.
19  That thy trust may be in the LORD, I have made known to thee this day, even to thee.

Trust.... Ok Lord, help me to trust in YOU alone.  Help me give up my own self gratifying ways.  Help me Lord in this process that I might humble myself to You and to do Your will in my home.  Help me to trust when in my mind it seems so silly to give things away that can be sold and put onto a bill.  When nothing makes sense... help me to just know that You can be trusted. 

Those were my thoughts yesterday morning.  I again sighed as I walked through the house with the adjuster and the cleaner.  The cleaner was happy for all the STUFF... more to clean, more money to make!    The adjuster on the other hand mentioned we had a lot of STUFF.  The amount of books is tremendous, but he understood that and all the school supplies... he said... you need something to teach with... you basically have a school in your home... that is no small feat to try to fit it in.  While he said it was ok, I recalled others I've met online that have ONE bookshelf for schoolbooks and supplies.  And I'm now feeling remorseful in some ways.  I've always thought that having alot of books was helpful... it helped keep library fines down... as we are late often in returning them... And when you return 20 books 5 days late... that can add up to a hefty fine.  I tell them I am helping them keep their library stocked with new books... I buy several each year!  Anyways, I admitted things had to go... and he smiles and says... well, you can sort as you clean.  You don't have to put it back.

Dh has been furiously trying to come up with a plan and the $1000 deductible is not in our pocket book at the moment... so we do not want to buy the stove on credit only to wait to get repaid.  So we have decided to wait on those replacement purchases until after we have worked off the deductible so that we can be paid for the stove right away.  That means alot more one pan meals.  This should keep us on our path to eating leaner!  *Ü*  Also, Dh had almost decide to let them clean it all... short of me working with the ladies as I could during the days.  And doing the areas the cleaners didn't want to do... the bathroom closet, my daughters bedrooms, and our bedroom personal effects.  I agreed that would keep me plenty busy.  But as the decision for what to clean was made today, Dh said... we will clean all the small stuff... basically everything that has to be taken out, moved out of the way is our responsibility... books, toys, clothes, curtains, nick nacks, pictures, etc.  This has increased my load tremendously and while I am willing to do it, I am cringing about doing it all alone.  But dh reasoned that if they took books down and put them into boxes and replaced them, they would not go in the order that I would be happy with and I would have to redo it all again anyways... so why not just have me do that from the start.  I am a micro cleaner... that is what I do best.  My drawers, shelves and such have detailed order that drives others nuts... But the macro cleaning... is something that gets done on a have-to basis.  So, he ultimately thought it would save me time in the long run if my duty was to do the micro cleaning... that way when things are put away, they are put away right and three weeks from now I won't be upset pulling a drawer out because it is poorly arranged... and spending an hour arranging it.  Ahhh, he knows me well!    Dh will be helping with the cleaning as well on his days off... it is not my job alone, but the part he left me to is the part that is best suited for me... I need to go through the items, I need to let go...  Dh knows this and if he did it, he knows I would be upset with him... so it is for the best. 

So, if anyone has hung through on this post this long... Please feel free to lift me up in prayer, that I might be able to let go with a light heart, not a heavy one.  I do not wish to be like Lot's wife, holding onto things that seem to guarantee me some income in some way... Our budget is tight, but the Lord has always provided.  I am beginning to look forward to having less.  Less things to clean, less clutter to step over... and as DH wistfully says... the house will be CLEAN (uncluttered clean) in two weeks!  He is so looking forward to it.  (that reminds me that as we were talking of cleaning he says... I'd never clean out the entertainment center and wipe it all down, but here they are going to do it for us... and it will be cleaner than it's been in 19 years!... I wryly replied to that... I clean it out at least twice a year... I guess you never noticed.  He said, next time, take a picture so he knows that I did it.  He began to feel bad as all his hopeful expectant things to come of the crisis was a clean house... things will be cleaned that never were cleaned... and every thing he mentioned I clean on a regular basis... he just doesn't notice it because likely of the clutter that blocks his view... our house isn't a path house, but it has more clutter than it needs... I call it travelling clutter... I clean out a room and the clutter moves to the next room... I clean that room and the clutter moves to a  different room... and so has it gone on for 19 years... yes, I admit I need change. ) 

Warmly, ~Melissa

ps, I'm not bashing going debt-free... we will continue our journey with that, but now being more open to God's plans in going debt free than my own. 

pps, The help can't start until Tuesday and I can't clean until Tuesday... so that gives me a few days to get SS set up and going without having double duty... God is good.