A Plain Country Homestead

I often get a sad feeling over women who long for 'home and family' yet seem to go out of their way to destroy any path that might lead to that in their lives.

We have a family member who was married just out of high school to the school-long sweetheart.  They lived a seemingly happy life together, but it was sad at its core.  He had 'his' life and she had 'hers.'  They would pass each other while working....he working mostly days and her working many split shifts as a manager of a store.  They would meet for a 'date' now and again, having dinner or something, but rarely lived as a couple at all.  They lead separate lives completely.  They even took separate vacations most often than not in their 15 year marriage.

She had 'her' bills and 'her' income....he had 'his' own as well.  The only payment they shared was the house mortgage.  She bought her own car, made her own payments on it.  He bought his truck and did the same thing.  They were living like strangers in their household.  This was not a marriage.  Not a marriage that was lived out in the presence of one another, building and strengthening through trials and hardships and blessed moments of oy as a true marriage should.  They were more like college room-mates than husband and wife.

Not surprisingly, they are now divorced.  She is moving right on into another marriage....one that is set up similarly to her first.  He is also heading into another marriage, but there are huge differences in this one for him.  They share their lives completely.  They have 'plans' for their marriage, and those plans include being a couple and not strangers living under the same roof.

What makes someone want to live like that?  I don't understand it at all.  It makes no sense to me.  I feel I have a wonderful marriage.  Our nearly 23 years together has not always been a walk in the park but we have not felt a temptation to separate ourselves in any way, shape, or form.  I can say that with the fullest of confidence, for both myself and for my husband.  Our lives are intertwined.  We are two cloths making up one beautiful tapestry as man and wife.  I am not his slave, nor is he mine.  I am not his housekeeper, his cook, his laundress.  I am blessed to be created a woman and have been gifted his helpmeet in our marriage.  The Lord set us apart for one another.  We were His Gifts to one another, aside from our Salvation.

How do those who do not know The Lord, who do not have a deep relationship with Him, spend their married lives?  Do they live as our family did -- maintaining separate lives, not sharing a single tie to one another aside from breathing the same air in the same household?  My children will not live marriages that way.  They have been raised to see how a marriage gift from God works.  They see it in the many stories and glimpses into Godly lives we read in The Scriptures, they have seen it in their grandparent's lives, in the lives of so many other saints at our church, in the life and walk of their father and mother.  We don't live a life without toil and hardship, without argument and disagreement...goodness, I know of no one truly honest with themselves and one another who does!  Our lives are not easy from a flesh-lived point of view.  Satan has seen to that.  But we can have very easy lives from God's point of view if we simply remember what values are to be important in our lives.

First and foremost, I am a child of God.  He is my Rock, my Sustainer, my Balm of Healing.  Everything I need to know about marriage and how to be a Godly wife and mother is in His Book.  But above those great, high callings in my life, I am to be His Child first.

My husband is also my rock and fortitude in life.  He is my protector and my soulmate.  As he lives his life with God and his head, he guides me in those same steps as well.  We grow and learn together daily, and yes, we have hardships and troubles, but we know that what God has put together, not one man on this earthcan ever tear down.  Only we can destroy our own dreams.

I am called to be a helpmeet to my husband.  I am not called to be his cook, his housekeeper, his slave as so many modern, femine-touting liberals will say.  I stay at home out of choice, to tend and care for my husband's needs here and the needs and nurturings of our children.  I have worked many years, and I could very easily enter the workforce again, making "my own" money and living my own life....a very empty life.  Sure, the added income could be nice for the plans we have here on our homestead, but it is not worth the destruction of our dreams or the calling of The Lord.  He has called me to remain home and tend our children's needs and education.  He has called me to remain faithful to His Word and rest in knowing that we will replace the small visions we have here for greater visions in His Kingdom one day. 

I honor God by fulfilling my callling and not following after the world's vision of "worthwhile womanhood."  I am blessed to be able to tend to my husband and my children.  I am blessed to be able to tend our home, fix our meals and help find ways to save us money that my husband brings onto the homestead.  It is my deepest honor to be able to fulfill what The Lord has asked of me, as a woman of God, as a helmeet to my God-gifted husband, as a mother and teacher to my God-gifted children. 

It saddens me to see so many women leaving their dreams behind them so they can find some fulfillment in working side by side in the world with other woman who have traded their dreams.  If a woman wants to be home with her babies, yet she leaves for work to pay for what...that new car?  that big, fancy house?  those expensive gifts and vacations?...she has destroyed the dreams of her calling.  It isn't someone else placing value on her...it is her losing value in herself as a woman of God.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - I totally agree

Posted by Sweetmama2
I totally agree with you. You discribed my life and my husband to a tee only thing different is that we have only been together for 15 years and married almost 14. (I wouldn't marry him right away, I was young (23) and did not want to give up my single life, boy was I dumb). My Dh has a cousin that has made the same choices as the above couple that you talked about and a divorce was final alst week.
I thank you for your post and making me remember why I am here and what "our" life is about. It is nice to be reminded.
Sweetmama

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by gokings13
Before I committed to Jesus, I was headed down this same "separate path", like my parents before me.

I think once we commit to Jesus Christ, then everything else will fall into place.
I too think it is very important for the children to live inside of a healthy marriage. It is the model they will look back to when they become married. Good, or bad.
Laura

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by blessedmomof10
I don't understand that either........ it seems odd to me, as I share everything with my husband!

Blessings,
gloria