Thursday, May 25, 2006 - Winning and Losing: Every Mother's Dilemma |
It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game. True? I
haven't really had the occasion to explore this topic as a mother until
just recently. My boys, through some fortuitous circumstances, have
landed on the same t-ball team, despite being 21 months apart in age.
Two boys, one schedule. I am a blessed mother.
But as I was saying, we haven't yet come to talk about winning and
losing in competitive events like sports. My older son played t-ball
last year, but the subject didn't come up because the team did not win
a single game. Naturally, at the end of a game, we just wouldn't say
anything about winning or losing. We just told our son what a good job
he did playing ball.
Well, last Saturday, my boys' ball team won their game. You can not
imagine my shock. Now here's the problem: do I get all excited about
winning, all the while knowing that this may be their only win ever?
Should there ever come a point when my boys learn that winning is
actually the point of the game?
I've been thinking about this, and I think that as a collective
society, we downplay the importance of winning too much, just so the
losers won't feel bad. I'm all for my boys feeling good even when they
lose, but they need to know that winning is the goal of the game. The
end result of everyone on the team stretching themselves to do their
very best should be to do better than the other team, and therefore win
the game. This is a big trend in schools - no academic competition
allowed. The losers feel bad about themselves, and the goal of
education now isn't to become educated, but to have the kids feel good
about themselves no matter what.
I don't want my boys to feel bad about themselves when they lose at
t-ball. But what I'd like to see when they lose, is for them to be
motivated to work harder and practice more. Because as a mother, I can
use all the help I can get in helping them learn to love hard work (or
at least accept it as necessary to reach a worthy goal and not entirely
unpleasant).
Now here is my disclaimer: I'm not saying I will be beating my boys
over the heads with winning, totally making their lives miserable when
we lose (because we will lose...a lot). When I say I will talk to them
about the importance of winning, that's all I mean. Just bringing it
up. Not majoring on it. Their natural competitiveness will take it from
there, right? At least, that is my idea. In theory. We'll see how it
works out in real life. 
Blessings!
Amey
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About Me
I'm a midwestern gal, living my dream life on 7 acres in the country. I love Jesus, my husband, three children, Daisy the Wonder Goat, and our chickens. I'd still love to someday have a miniature jersey milk cow.
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